i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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