Whod you bang
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
