I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
third nipple confirmed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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