you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
