We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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