Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
