I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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