k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
