Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
