He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Are we still banned from the library?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
