The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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