Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
