I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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