I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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