Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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