what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
