she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
