Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
