there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
