so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
