Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
