i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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