He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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