i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
