I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
