I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
