pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
