Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
