Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
