he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
