Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
