my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
