I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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