worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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