She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
