tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
