Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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