How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
