Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
