plz talk dirty to me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
