everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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