I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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