I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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