Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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