took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
