yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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