R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
