So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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