i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
