Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
