my mouth tastes like poor choices
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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