so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize