I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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