I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
