Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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