you would pick up someone in the library
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
