I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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