LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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