??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
