You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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