And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
