I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Terrible idea I love it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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